We're in it.

Being completely honest, after our series against Monterey Bay and having two heartbreaker losses in the seventh inning, not performing to our potential, and being honored for the first time thus far as being one of the five seniors on the team I think everything really started to hit me and soon after my mini breakdown had begun. 

While the team was mingling I headed to the van and loaded my stuff up, perched myself in the back left corner, with no iPod because it was dead and just empty space to think and feel.  I had felt like my season may or may not be slipping away from me, that my career is coming to an end and it may happen much sooner than I had anticipated and hoped but worst of all that I was allowing it to happen by not contributing enough and stepping up in situations that would better set us up for success.  Tried to fight back some of the tears but it was inevitable and they weren’t really tears of sadness but just so many mixed emotions because of how bad I want this, how much I love what I do, and how close we are to capturing it all and letting it all go at the same exact time.

I couldn’t sit and lament about this for all that long though because the three biggest series we were about to embark upon were happening in the next two days because of having to make up our four game series with Chico State.  It was made very clear to the team that we were a little bit down but most definitely not out, we had the opportunity to bounce back in a big way against (at the time) the number two team in conference standings, Chico State.  That Monday morning we decided to come ten minutes earlier into the locker room because we figured it might take us a little more time to get into softball mode since it was pretty irregular for us to be playing in that sort of time frame.  First, our opponents pull into the loading dock as I am walking to the locker room with music blasting.  Next, as we are already in the locker room they stroll in and start to get ready as well.  All of this was on top of the already lengthy discussions about when we would make up these games so that they were best prepared despite the inconvenience it played for our team.  These things were bothersome to me than it would or even should be to anyone but it made me want these games that much more.  I truly felt that Chico thought they were going to take four from us, that these games were going to be cake and that our performance would have been similar to our past games played against each other this past season.  They could not have been more wrong and out of this entire season so far and all the games we have played there were no four games that I personally wanted more than our four game series against Chico.  It was made very clear to our team that we owed them our best and that with our best we could not fail.  We came out on top swept the first two games of the series and after that first day filled with momentum I was sure we were going to sweep and send a big message to our conference that we were not to be counted out and the only reason Chico State and UC San Diego were the top two teams was because they had yet to face Sonoma State.  We won the first game on Tuesday, our offense had been really productive and consistent one through nine but in the second game of the day mindless errors and sub par defense plagued our chance at a sweep.  Coach had mentioned that she was unsure if we had all truly wanted four games and that it looked like we had settled for three wins and were content with that because deep down we weren’t really sure if we were going to get that. 

The sense of complacency was felt throughout and I knew something had to change and fast because once again within the next two days we were headed down to San Diego for another huge series, one that would put us in the running for first place in conference.  Prior to flying out to sunny San Diego we had a sports psychology meeting with Carrie Cheadle where we got a little bit off topic as far as what she had on the agenda for us but brought up some much needed discussion about the desire that we as a team have but more importantly as individuals and self checking to see if each and every one of us was embracing our roles and giving 100% of absolutely everything they have to contribute to this teams success.  In this discussion we brought up the need to call each other out when we recognize someone is not performing to their potential in addition to being able to receive that criticism and feeding off of it and being thankful that someone cares enough to call you out.  I was sensing that this conversation was being driven by seniors and returners and I wanted to make sure that it was not being made out to be a plea by the seniors to do well so we can go out with a bang but so that each and every one of us is fighting and working and playing with everything in them for a personal reason in addition to the common goals that we all committed to so many months back.  After that meeting, I had never felt more confident that our team was on the same exact page and truly felt that if we physically brought our best game to the table in San Diego we couldn’t be beat. 

San Diego was absolutely fantastic with so much support from our friends and families coming from near and far made the competition that much more exciting.  Winning game one in exciting fashion in the seventh inning thanks to a clutch lead off single by sophomore out fielder and San Diego native, Vanessa Currie followed by a bomb over the left field fence by our most consistent long ball hitter, Ali Palermo.  Unfortunately we could not get our bats going the second game and fell to the Tritons finishing with a split on the day.  We were still anxious to make a statement on their senior day on their home field and close the gap between first and second place standings.  We knew neither of our teams were going to give up a lot of runs because in the previous three games they were truly pitching duels.  San Diego came with an athletic defense but not comparable to ours if you ask me, so I was hopeful our bats would come alive and we would be the ones to flub one less ball or come up with that one clutch ball in the gab because deep down we all knew that’s what it was going to come down to.  In the final game of the series were dominant early by scoring first and recognizing the need for everyone to contribute by getting on base, executing signs, wanting singles instead of hacking for homers, and simply getting the job done.  UCSD would not go down without a fight and actually loaded the bases in the bottom of the 7^th down one run but the combination of our three pitchers put them to rest and we came out on top with the eventual win leaving San Diego a half of a game behind the Tritons and hopeful to a great series against Dominguez Hills on our senior weekend, were still in the running for first place and we want it bad!